You are normal. I have never met anyone who really wants to stop drinking or drugging completely. They want the problems and downside associated with their usage to go away and be able to keep the good parts. Most people stop because they have to, not because they really want to. If you want to experiment with moderation or reduction, there are "harm reduction" methodologies and resources that can help some people. Harm Reduction Coaching

Remember, though, it is really hard to "have your cake and eat it, too." Even in the best of circumstances, the consensus is that once you have had a problem with a substance or addiction, it is easier to stop than to try to moderate. The reality is, with eating or spending disorders, for example, life mandates that you must moderate, not totally abstain. That's why I offer a Harm Reduction approach to all excessive behavioral problems.

Moderation of your behavior can also be a stepping stone to abstinence. If you are interested in moderation, me a call and let me help you determine if moderation of alcohol or drugs or other behaviors is a viable goal for you. Further, let me be your coach because you will attain it faster and maintain it longer. Moderation is a goal that now has its own set of techniques and science, and it would not be wise to do it on your own without the guidance that is available to you. For example, if your problem is with alcohol only, you might want to read my book, Responsible Drinking, and join Moderation Management support group network on-line.

 The typical reaction to people who don't want to abstain from their substance or go into treatment is that they are in denial and don't see the obvious problem. My Harm Reduction approach is based on the belief that people are not usually in denial, they are simply ambivalent about changing, even if they know it is in their best interest. There is a benefit that is perceived by the individual for continuing their excessive behaviors, even if it isn't obvious to the professional or family members.

Ambivalence is very normal. There isn't a single person in AA who wouldn't love to drink if they could, and they are understandably very ambivalent about accepting life-long abstinence. Similarly, every single person who is now attending AA, NA, CA and other 12-step programs, has tried to moderate their substance, and only after failing to do so, came to 12-step meetings.

If you express your desire for moderation instead of abstinence to your therapist or your 12-step group, you will be told that you are in denial and invited to return when you have "hit bottom." Traditional alcohol and drug treatment programs and traditional therapists have not been trained to help people reduce their usage of alcohol or drugs. They are not equipped to deal with someone who is ambivalent. Their expertise is in abstinence only.

On the contrary, if you are ambivalent, my Harm Reduction Coaching sessions can help you moderate your excessive habits in three ways:

1) by recognizing your ambivalence and helping you get past it;

2) by learning to use special tools, insights, and strategies to reduce your intake of your substance(s) in a planned, practical manner, and

3) by helping you seriously try to attain moderation and determine if it is a viable goal. If moderation is not an attainable goal for you, then Dr. Kern will help you move on toward abstinence as he continues to work with their fears and ambivalence about living an abstinent lifestyle with the ultimate goal attaining and maintaining abstinence.

 There is nothing wrong with you. You have not failed. A.A. and the 12-step approach was never meant to be a solution for everyone. "Bill W." even said so in AA's "big Book."

Some of the most common reasons I hear about why so many people drop out of 12-step groups or refuse to attend in the first place include:

• difficulty accepting the higher power concept
• not viewing addiction as a disease
• not wanting to attend groups, particularly lifelong group attendance
• unable to identify with other members of the group
• not viewing or labeling oneself as an "alcoholic" or "addict"
• the public exposure of support group meetings
• problems with the powerlessness concept because they don't believe they are powerless
• tendency to feel shy and uncomfortable in groups
• Many individuals are also aware of the fact that the A.A. program has remained unchanged since it was established in 1935, despite the wealth of new scientific information discovered over the past 70 years.

 There are several reasons most doctors are quick to recommend AA to patients:

1. Even the most recent medical school graduates are not trained thoroughly on the subject of addiction. American doctors are trained to treat disease. Since the disease concept is the framework of their medical training, American doctors see addiction from the disease perspective, too. Consequently, if doctors receive any addiction training, it is exclusively about Alcoholics Anonymous which also preaches that addicts have a disease.
2. Addiction is not an easy problem to treat nor can it be treated quickly. Most physicians don't have the skills or pills, time or interest to personally help patients with addictions. Telling patients to go to an AA meeting is as easy as writing them a prescription.
3. There is also the legal risk factor, should they refer you to an unfamiliar or unprofessional program where you might have a negative experience, you could theoretically sue them.
4. In order to understand addiction, you must really want to understand it. Usually this means that you had to have an addiction yourself or been affected by someone close to you. Like most people, doctors just don't put time into studying a topic that they can't personally relate to. Most of these contemporary alternatives just were not widely available 10 years ago.
5. The truth is, at least 80-90% of doctors, lawyers, and law enforcement personnel are not aware of anything other than the 12-step method. Remember, AA began in this country in the mid-1930s. Since that time, it has falsely gained a reputation for being the best and only treatment available, when statistics show that the 12-step success rate is no higher than what individuals experience when they try to quit on their own. By sharp contrast, addiction alternative programs, including moderation or harm reduction programs, are relatively common and quite successful in Europe and Australia.